The Day After the Feast of St. Augustine

Yesterday (August 28) was the feast of St. Augustine of Hippo. I celebrated it in silence and alone with you. I reminded you about it as if you need reminding. All these years, I remain as restless as a young man as he ran in pursuit for some truths to satisfy his curiosity of his carefree days. You are witness to such restlessness.

Time brought changes into all those that are. Here I sit a day after the feast day of my patron saint holding on to a past that is already gone trying to rally for its continued hold into the culture that is fast becoming obsolete. It remains present though in a mind fixated to those moments of wild abandon of bygone years. Here I endure and convince myself to accept the things of the present moment that are consequences of such puerile and reckless "indecisiveness."

Yet my heart is not at rest. There is stubbornness that wanted to rebel against the "consequenced-past" and the "regrettable present." It is hard to vision out my path into the "desired future" lest I become a Sisyphean troll or a condemned Promethean man.

I must teach myself to accept the things of the present...to live with it (without judging its value?).

Yes, these are the images I painted in my mind a day after I celebrated my patron saint's feast day alone with you. Those were the thoughts wandering about in the region of dissimilarity, set aside my conjectures about the laws of attraction and gravitational pull vis-a-vis the subtle influence of the dictum, "Amor meus, pondum meum." But such things are as I said, conjectures.